Guess if anyone would know what it's like to turn into a robot, it'd be someone who's experiencing it, too. [She shakes her head.] Sorry to hear about all that though, honest. It sounds fucking wild, but I guess it's hard to find anything here that isn't these days.
[But at the question being turned to her, she simply shrugs.] Eh, same old. Keeping it simple with one night stands or friends-with-benefits. Some of them actually used to be on the app, but—
[She shrugs again, but this time, it's a little more defensive. A little lonely.]
Whatever. Makes it even easier to keep things no-strings-attached and all.
[sure as fuck is. but she regards Rose carefully, and considers her own words, too, even though she's getting kind of a wild idea that might not go over great. but Rose isn't... well, she's probably not doing well? like, fuck. losing more and more people like that. if she hadn't known Rose for so long, she'd keep her stupid fucking mouth shut, but here goes.]
Listen, like. If you ever wanna do anything again, I'd be down. Just to help shit suck a little less, you know? [great! cool! it's even worse coming out of her mouth than it was in her head!] Probably easier to handle my dumb ass than some rando that you gotta explain all kinds of crap to.
Anna. [It's a tone of mock outrage, joking, but there's a quiet shakiness to her voice she can't brush off either.] If I didn't know better, I'd think you were offering me birthday sex.
[And now she should laugh and let the joke end there, but. It'd be nice, wouldn't it? To just. Let loose and not have to think for a bit, no matter how brief it is. Sometimes it feels like the only time her head isn't caving in is when she's sleeping, and even that's not guaranteed. Half the time sleep just means nightmares.
But she takes a bracing swig of her beer, even if it doesn't do shit for her, just to pretend it does something to bolster her courage so she can get through her words without chickening out.]
Thanks. I mean it, seriously. And I'd be down, but... I wouldn't wanna fuck it up, y'know? [She swallows.] Because if I fucked up with you again, I'd be—
[Alone. And maybe that wouldn't even be true, but it'd feel like it, and that would be enough.]
[okay, well. Anna could protest, she could say that yeah, maybe she was totally offering birthday sex, and she could ask what Rose could possibly do to fuck it up, but there's... more to it than that, and even emotionally idiotic Anna, the girl who's turning into a fucking robot who as far as she knows couldn't emote worth a damn if her life depended on it, even she can tell that much.]
A grown adult who makes mistakes? We're not the same people we used to be. [and she almost scoffs at herself. ain't that the fuckin' truth.] Don't get me wrong, I get you, I'm just saying. This time of year always gets me in a weird place. [from Rose's birthday through Christmas and into the first week of January. maybe it's the depression.]
I start feeling all sentimental and shit, and then I come over here and think about all the shit happening to you and it hits me right here. [she points at her chest, where her heart would be, and lets her voice soften a little.] You already fucked me up forever anyway. Got me worried about someone.
Sorry about that. [Is she joking, or is she serious? It's hard to tell.] The holidays are supposed to be all holly and jolly and shit, but somehow it always manages to kick our asses anyways.
[She pauses as she thinks. It's her birthday after all, right? Aren't they supposed to be avoiding their issues for just one day?] I'll think about it, yeah? Can't really say for sure either way right now, but I guess if you start getting 3am DTF texts again, you know it's just me.
[they're adults. they can avoid their issues for as long as they have to. Anna grins, thinking about the last time Rose sent her texts like those.]
Please. You think my phone's blowing up with fuckboys whispering "what you doing?" in my ear? [and now she actually scoffs.] You have the highest opinion of me and I'm still never gonna get it. But whatever. I just wanna make sure you have a decent birthday, holly jolly shit or otherwise.
[and the grin goes smug.] Little early in the year to crack into the Ovaltine, though.
[god, that laugh is cute and she's never gonna stop thinking it is. fuck.]
Maybe I'll stop being a mopey bitch this year and actually wa—[and she cuts herself off with a laugh just at the idea.] Hit me with one of those 3AM DTF texts except it's down to watch A Christmas Story.
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[But at the question being turned to her, she simply shrugs.] Eh, same old. Keeping it simple with one night stands or friends-with-benefits. Some of them actually used to be on the app, but—
[She shrugs again, but this time, it's a little more defensive. A little lonely.]
Whatever. Makes it even easier to keep things no-strings-attached and all.
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Listen, like. If you ever wanna do anything again, I'd be down. Just to help shit suck a little less, you know? [great! cool! it's even worse coming out of her mouth than it was in her head!] Probably easier to handle my dumb ass than some rando that you gotta explain all kinds of crap to.
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[And now she should laugh and let the joke end there, but. It'd be nice, wouldn't it? To just. Let loose and not have to think for a bit, no matter how brief it is. Sometimes it feels like the only time her head isn't caving in is when she's sleeping, and even that's not guaranteed. Half the time sleep just means nightmares.
But she takes a bracing swig of her beer, even if it doesn't do shit for her, just to pretend it does something to bolster her courage so she can get through her words without chickening out.]
Thanks. I mean it, seriously. And I'd be down, but... I wouldn't wanna fuck it up, y'know? [She swallows.] Because if I fucked up with you again, I'd be—
[Alone. And maybe that wouldn't even be true, but it'd feel like it, and that would be enough.]
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A grown adult who makes mistakes? We're not the same people we used to be. [and she almost scoffs at herself. ain't that the fuckin' truth.] Don't get me wrong, I get you, I'm just saying. This time of year always gets me in a weird place. [from Rose's birthday through Christmas and into the first week of January. maybe it's the depression.]
I start feeling all sentimental and shit, and then I come over here and think about all the shit happening to you and it hits me right here. [she points at her chest, where her heart would be, and lets her voice soften a little.] You already fucked me up forever anyway. Got me worried about someone.
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Sorry about that. [Is she joking, or is she serious? It's hard to tell.] The holidays are supposed to be all holly and jolly and shit, but somehow it always manages to kick our asses anyways.
[She pauses as she thinks. It's her birthday after all, right? Aren't they supposed to be avoiding their issues for just one day?] I'll think about it, yeah? Can't really say for sure either way right now, but I guess if you start getting 3am DTF texts again, you know it's just me.
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Please. You think my phone's blowing up with fuckboys whispering "what you doing?" in my ear? [and now she actually scoffs.] You have the highest opinion of me and I'm still never gonna get it. But whatever. I just wanna make sure you have a decent birthday, holly jolly shit or otherwise.
[and the grin goes smug.] Little early in the year to crack into the Ovaltine, though.
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A bit early right now, yeah, but I think as soon as December hits I'm snagging some Ovaltine in preparation for the greatest day of the year.
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Maybe I'll stop being a mopey bitch this year and actually wa—[and she cuts herself off with a laugh just at the idea.] Hit me with one of those 3AM DTF texts except it's down to watch A Christmas Story.