[Presumably this happens some time before the event. Shirou's taking care of the weapon shop as usual. If Zero walks by that day she might notice he's spending a long time just looking at weapons it's abnormal]
This is a good blade. [Sorry, Zero he's too busy having the time of his life partying with weapons. You'll probably have to call out to him or else he won't notice you're there.]
[Going to an actual weapon shop?? God what the hell is that. As irritating as she was, Zero would rather deal with Accord; at least when it came to weapons, she didn't have to interact with her. Naturally, the fact that the attendant isn't even paying attention to the customers (i.e. her) is already annoying.]
You gonna gawk at that sword all day or actually try to sell me something?
If you wanna stare at shit for that long, go to a museum. [And she's an Intoner man OF COURSE SHE CAN.] Or fantasize swinging it around like a moron somewhere where there isn't a customer waiting.
[Zero you're not going to get service anyways if this is how you act....]
Swords, spears, gauntlets, and chakrams—if you got any of those, bring 'em out.
[A moment slowly becomes 30 minutes. Shirou's dragging out every weapon he can think of that falls into those categories. They're all sorted by quality because he's a geek. ]
Do you find anything that interests you? [No he's still looking at those swords he put out.]
[THIRTY MINUTES IS TOO LONG, it's a surprise she didn't go on a rampage in the meantime. At the very least, she's glad that he actually brought back a good amount of weapons. She's in the middle of examining a spear when she realizes he's still looking a the swords.]
Sure, but you're the one who's really got some interest in these. [gesturing at the swords] Just how long are you gonna stare at these goddamn swords for?
That blade over there weighs about two pounds and it's overall length is thirty-six inches. It looks like a simple blade when you first look at it when in reality it's fairly complex because of the materials.
[He stops rambling about swords for two seconds and looks over at Zero.]
The spear you were looking at a second ago can be used as a projectile weapon. There's a hidden compartment in it. Here, I'll show you.
[Shirou dismantles the spear and there's another one hiding inside of it?? A spear inside of a spear. Who knew.]
This spear in particular's rather light so you won't have to worry about its weight. Why not try this one instead? [He hands her a better spear that isn't... a spear in a spear.]
[ROLLING HER EYES god this kid goes on for a while. At least he's actually doing something useful now though, and she takes the spear to test its weight in her hand. She looks displeased.]
Are you kidding? This thing's like a fucking twig. Get me something that'll survive being rammed through five people in one go, and then we'll talk.
I don't know what kind of spears you've been using. [Maybe he can reproduce something that ridiculous. A normal spear won't do at all. Shirou's thinking of things like...Lancer's Gae Bolg. Obviously, he can't project that much with how he is right now. Perhaps if he changes the foundation of his formula he can make something Zero can use. It doesn't matter if he breaks it. ]
Trace on.
[A more durable spear appears in Shirou's hands. He just prefers blades over spears and more importantly this one actually looks like it can smash through a wall. ]
It's no Excalibur...[And it's slightly disappointing.]
Anti-army's what I need then. [Since she... literally decimated armies... Maybe the weapons in D3 were all Noble Phantasm level tbh.
But she looks more excited when Shirou projects the spear. She has no idea how he did that, but hey, a good weapon is all she cares about. Naturally, the good mood disappears when the projection fades away.]
So magic, right? [Man just sum it up quickly alright... She's sick of magic being the easy bullshit answer, but it's better than some long-winded explanation.]
It didn't look like it'd break in half if I held it too tight, at least.
What a fucking shitty-ass weapons shop. [she wouldn't even admit that she likes accord, but at least accord's shop was quick!! no face-to-face interaction and buying weapons was a breeze.] Fine. Put it under Zero.
You can take my complaints to whoever's in charge here, yeah? At least this won't be a complete waste of time then. [or just tell her where that person is so she can beat them up tbh...]
Then they fucking should, because it sure as hell is! [OH MY GOD SHE IS SO SICK OF THIS KID. forget waiting for his boss to get on his ass about bad service, she might as well take care of that herself.
which of course for zero means busting out her sword and trying to slice shirou in half.]
[Shirou can sense killing intent fairly well. He isn't sure how this turned out. It's all ridiculous and even if it is his fault, isn't this a bit much? ZERO.........]
Someone should teach you how to control your temper. You could seriously hurt someone. [He's saying more out of place comments. Maybe because he's in a panic and he's not thinking straight. Shirou dodges the first attack and crashes into some weapons. What a mess.]
That's the whole fucking point, you jackass! [controlling her temper ha...ha.... yeah good luck with that. shirou's only aggravating her more and more though, so she pursues him to the weapons before trying to hack-and-slash him again.]
[ A message pops up in your inbox from an anonymous source. How strange! If you don't delete it immediately, you'll be greeted with an audio message that's quiet, at first. In fact, it's quiet enough that just in time for you to turn it up, it starts to speak. It sounds suspiciously like Xerxes Break if you know him, but at the same time, there's a totally stupid voice being used, since it's not like Break would send this message along. Emily, though? Of course. She's such a gossip. ]
Had an x-ray done today. Guess what they found? It was you, safely tucked away in my heart! They said my heart is fine with a friend like you in it. Send this to all the people you love and care for, because if you don't, then something preeeetty bad might happen to them! Heart failure is pretty serious~! Kehehehehehe!!!
(( ooc note ; break is sending this to literally everyone in the game, so I'm sorry... Feel free to figure out he caused it, since it's not like he's trying that hard to hide it. ))
[Zero really has only one thing to say to something like this. It's a pointless reaction, and one that won't change anything, but it feels necessary all the same.]
SEND YOUR FUCKING SPAM TO SOMEONE ELSE NEXT TIME!! [ALL IN A VOLUME THAT COULD PROBABLY SHATTER EARDRUMS before she promptly hangs up. Was this actually spam?? She has no idea. Does she care? Not in the least.]
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This is a good blade. [Sorry, Zero he's too busy having the time of his life partying with weapons. You'll probably have to call out to him or else he won't notice you're there.]
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You gonna gawk at that sword all day or actually try to sell me something?
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I haven't been staring at it all day...but it's well built. I want to try using it. [Zero can you hear the last part?]
What type of weapon are you looking for? [There's a lot there and he's willing to check them all. COME AT HIM .]
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[Zero you're not going to get service anyways if this is how you act....]
Swords, spears, gauntlets, and chakrams—if you got any of those, bring 'em out.
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[A moment slowly becomes 30 minutes. Shirou's dragging out every weapon he can think of that falls into those categories. They're all sorted by quality because he's a geek. ]
Do you find anything that interests you? [No he's still looking at those swords he put out.]
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[THIRTY MINUTES IS TOO LONG, it's a surprise she didn't go on a rampage in the meantime. At the very least, she's glad that he actually brought back a good amount of weapons. She's in the middle of examining a spear when she realizes he's still looking a the swords.]
Sure, but you're the one who's really got some interest in these. [gesturing at the swords] Just how long are you gonna stare at these goddamn swords for?
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[He stops rambling about swords for two seconds and looks over at Zero.]
The spear you were looking at a second ago can be used as a projectile weapon. There's a hidden compartment in it. Here, I'll show you.
[Shirou dismantles the spear and there's another one hiding inside of it?? A spear inside of a spear. Who knew.]
This spear in particular's rather light so you won't have to worry about its weight. Why not try this one instead? [He hands her a better spear that isn't... a spear in a spear.]
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Are you kidding? This thing's like a fucking twig. Get me something that'll survive being rammed through five people in one go, and then we'll talk.
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And you do realize that's not what spears are used for, right? [ZER...O.]
Only something like Excalibur can do that much damage at once.
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Then get something like that Excalibur thing.
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I don't know what kind of spears you've been using. [Maybe he can reproduce something that ridiculous. A normal spear won't do at all. Shirou's thinking of things like...Lancer's Gae Bolg. Obviously, he can't project that much with how he is right now. Perhaps if he changes the foundation of his formula he can make something Zero can use. It doesn't matter if he breaks it. ]
Trace on.
[A more durable spear appears in Shirou's hands. He just prefers blades over spears and more importantly this one actually looks like it can smash through a wall. ]
It's no Excalibur...[And it's slightly disappointing.]
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But she looks more excited when Shirou projects the spear. She has no idea how he did that, but hey, a good weapon is all she cares about. Naturally, the good mood disappears when the projection fades away.]
Where the hell did it go?!
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It's my fault it vanished suddenly. That's what happens when you hastily think you can imagine a strong spear without the proper basis.
Projection magecraft is like that. You saw the spear with your own eyes.
What did you think of it?
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It didn't look like it'd break in half if I held it too tight, at least.
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If you don't mind waiting a week, I can order one for you. It'll take a while to come in because it's custom made.
What's your name? I'll go put in a report.
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Zero it is. [He files it under Zero's name and puts her order in. Good lord.]
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They'll just tell me it's my fault. [HE WAS THE ONE WHO MADE HER WAIT?]
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which of course for zero means busting out her sword and trying to slice shirou in half.]
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Someone should teach you how to control your temper. You could seriously hurt someone. [He's saying more out of place comments. Maybe because he's in a panic and he's not thinking straight. Shirou dodges the first attack and crashes into some weapons. What a mess.]
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You've got mail!
voice;
Had an x-ray done today. Guess what they found? It was you, safely tucked away in my heart! They said my heart is fine with a friend like you in it. Send this to all the people you love and care for, because if you don't, then something preeeetty bad might happen to them! Heart failure is pretty serious~! Kehehehehehe!!!
(( ooc note ; break is sending this to literally everyone in the game, so I'm sorry... Feel free to figure out he caused it, since it's not like he's trying that hard to hide it. ))
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SEND YOUR FUCKING SPAM TO SOMEONE ELSE NEXT TIME!! [ALL IN A VOLUME THAT COULD PROBABLY SHATTER EARDRUMS before she promptly hangs up. Was this actually spam?? She has no idea. Does she care? Not in the least.]